I just finished one heck of a week. From my Monday night grief group, to gearing up for an annual event for Expedition Inspiration, followed by the profound wisdom of a good friend. An offhanded remark shed a great deal of light for me about forgiveness. And then I was able to share that enlightenment with another friend Friday morning. She offered me more insight which touched my heart and soul in this healing process. Full circle.
First of all, thank you, Dawn. You literally helped me with reach that epiphany during our conversation on the way home from the airport. I am picking you up more often! You just never know when you have those “ah ha” moments or when you just suddenly get “it”.
I finally admitted to myself that I was holding on to promises that became attachments. Those attachments were holding me back from letting go. That held me back from being able to forgive. Are you following me? I don’t want to hold a grudge. That isn’t me. I want to be free of that anchor.
The grief group last Monday night is what started this all in motion. The topic was Forgiveness. That sure made me squirm in my chair. The leader gave us slips of paper and each slip had advice on forgiveness that we were to read aloud. Here is what mine said:
Wow, right? I have been struggling with forgiveness. I thought that because I went to great lengths to find a way of understanding what happened to me, that it allowed me let go of what was angering me. I did not want to hold on to that negative energy. And, even though I felt as if I did come to understand other perspectives of the situation, I was still uneasy.
Dawn said this to me, “Hey, you are human, not super human”. Yep, she nailed it. I was pushing myself in to thinking what I thought was forgiveness on my part. I was not letting myself just be me; I was trying too hard to be strong. When the thoughts crept in to my mind, I did find a way to breathe and get back to the present moment. But the thoughts were still haunting me.
I was troubled because I had not found a way to let myself let it go, and to let go of an outcome that I felt great sorrow for. I was hanging on to an attachment of an expectation that did weigh me down. Because I had not found a way to say, “I forgive you” out loud. I will now.
I am so sorry that we grieved in ways that created a conflict. I am very sorry that you are suffering right now. Please forgive me. I do forgive you.
#understanding #lettinggo #forgiveness #grief