Blogging from my heart in Boise, Idaho
I have been a bit down in the emotional dumps as of late. It is coming up on the one year mark since my life was turned upside down. So much happened, so much has taken place since then. Eventually life goes on and so does life for everyone else. When that happens, those left... Continue Reading →
This weekend I found myself in the throes of feelings of loneliness of the grieving period. Which leads me to ask myself, how can I possibly even think that I am “alone†when I have so many friends, when I have terrific siblings, when I even have great neighbors? But is being alone the same... Continue Reading →
Seriously, I caught myself doing that heavy sigh too much Sunday. Took a beautiful power walk on the greenbelt along the river early. Sigh. Got my act together to show up to church rather than stream the service like I usually do. Sigh. Went to the grocery store to get a few things for a... Continue Reading →
Dear Paul, I’ve been thinking: it has been nine months since you died and things are so much clearer to me. I am stronger and yet vulnerable. I am more assertive and yet defer in certain situations. I am happier and yet miss you so very, very much. But, I have to tell you one... Continue Reading →
Tears not tears. Or is it both? Tears in the leaf or tears from your eyes? A broken heart seems to take on many different facets when such a life instance takes place. Oh, at the time, you always think you will never, ever be the same. But months later, low and behold, you are... Continue Reading →
Sis, this post is for you. Before I offer what I hope is sage advice, I want you to know about your early years. The years you don’t seem to recall. The years that are beautiful memories for me. Mama was on bedrest with her last two pregnancies, and even more so with you. I... Continue Reading →
It’s happening now and I am scared. Eight months after Paul died, I am wondering why and yet at the same time, wondering when. I would give anything to be able to talk to Paul and ask him what he wants me to do. However, in all honesty, I already know what he would want... Continue Reading →
What is the meaning of a “monkey on your shoulder†or a “monkey on your backâ€? You know, the monkey that doesn’t exactly give you good advice? I looked it up, I just had to! Believe it or not, there are many interpretations and explanations, but essentially the monkey is a carrying a burden or... Continue Reading →
Just when I thought – key word here: thought – I was doing “betterâ€, along comes a 20 foot wave. I must have needed a good mega cry because today I am better. What a relief! In a grief group I attended after Paul died, we discussed that grief come in waves and often times... Continue Reading →
All I can tell you is that Fear is a powerful monkey if you don’t say, “beat it!†It creeps up when you least expect it, you know, when you think you have your moxie back. When you think things are going super great and all. No, the sky is not falling. I am in... Continue Reading →
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