I have been a bit down in the emotional dumps as of late. It is coming up on the one year mark since my life was turned upside down. So much happened, so much has taken place since then. Eventually life goes on and so does life for everyone else. When that happens, those left behind by sudden death often feel alone and lonely.
I found myself feeling just that in the past few weeks or so. Not so much lonely – I mean, I have amazing friends and the best siblings a girl could possibly appreciate. But that alone feeling began to nag me a bit. Going shopping alone. Eating meals alone. Walking the dog alone. Going to Art in the Park alone. I’m really tired of that alone gig.
What occurred to me is that I have lived alone for most of my adult life. Sure, I had serious relationships with wonderful men, and each breakup was bittersweet. We just grew apart or perhaps it was me, growing faster than they could keep up with. Perhaps it was not meant to be. Thankfully, I am friends to this day with those men who remain a steadfast confidante. It never bothered me until now to be alone. Maybe it’s a turning point and maybe I just want more. It’s time.
This “alone” feeling was just about to take over my life when I chose to decline that invitation, to say no to that mood. Now, believe me, it was not easy. However, I had to get up and get out and get going and get on. I do want more but I also learned – just this weekend – that I need to take it easy and breathe. Well, I knew that but it really sunk in my thick skull. Thank you to a friend who listened to me talk it out.
I have to remind myself that patience is the key. Which is a bit tough for a girl like me. Patience. What a profound lesson to learn but a lesson to strive to live by. It is possible. I decided that for me, this will include more kitchen time. My happy place…. My kitchen time has always been a remarkable healing tool. In my tiny house kitchen, it’s almost amusing at what I can pull off these days!
Stay tuned….I am canning all sorts of things and creating even more from my garden this Fall!
#grief #lifelesson #loneliness #patience