All I can tell you is that Fear is a powerful monkey if you don’t say, “beat it!” It creeps up when you least expect it, you know, when you think you have your moxie back. When you think things are going super great and all.
No, the sky is not falling. I am in a transition that is exciting and scary. I moved in to a place of my own, finally. This is a tough reminder of the fact that Paul has been gone for six months now. That is what is frightening me, too. Moving to a place that will be my new space with my things and my art work and my pillows and my kitchen gadgets. His clothes won’t be there. His stuff won’t be in the house. He won’t be there.
How will I sleep at night? Will my new neighbors be nice? Will I be safe? Will it be quiet? I can tell you one thing, I moved in to the tiny house, 480 square feet. I laugh out loud just thinking about it. I read a blog the other day that was titled, “Don’t De-Clutter, De-Own”. Yep, more things to take to the Women’s and Children’s Alliance, the Boise Rescue Mission and the Idaho Youth Ranch. Anyone need any framed art? I have some nice pieces that no longer work or even fit. I know my sis will be the benefactor of some nice clothes soon.
Then, there is life itself. Life has presented me with a few challenges lately. Hello, God! Enough is enough! But, He knows I can tough it out. God, I have to tell you that I am exhausted. Please give me a break. Someone called me on the phone Friday night and I just burst in to tears. I am grateful my new place has a nice tub for soaking. I am going to soak that stress and let it go. It’s not me. It is someone else being a bully. I can’t change that but I can do the best thing which is to not react.
Fear tried to tap me on the shoulder. Fear tried to take over this past week. Fear thought it would get the best of me. Nope, not a chance. I have too much to be grateful for to let Fear interfere. Besides, I am too happy for Fear to really get inside my head!
#grief #transition #fearcannottakeme #happy