Please Forgive Me

Please forgive me, but my grieving brain cannot remember or recall anything from one day to the next. Make sure I write it down or send me a calendar invite. Otherwise I just may forget. I really do want to see you and spend time with you. Maybe I need to admit it is too soon.  Maybe it is not. I just don’t know right now.

Please forgive me, but I am still in that fog called grief. Sure you think I am doing “better” because I am out and about. I just could not stand being home, alone one more night. I needed to get out. Even if it was for just one hour. One hour made a difference.

Please forgive me, but I do not want that huge meal you are offering. I can barely sleep let alone eat a big meal. When I do eat, I am lucky if I can be polite enough to eat a portion you find acceptable. That portion is still just too big for me. Just so you know, I am trying.

Please forgive me, but when I wake up at 3:00 a.m. I get on social media to find out what I thought was my world was, what that world is now doing these days. I need to connect in some fashion. I know it seems unreal, but right now my life is surreal. The man I loved and the life we had was gone in an instant. Saying that I miss him does not even begin to describe my current state.

Please forgive me if I don’t listen well these days. It is truly difficult. I do try to be mindful but my brain goes off in that tangent of why, why…. It is a demon that keeps creeping around and that demon may be around for awhile. I just cannot shake it away.

I treasure your friendship. I am feeling so lost right now. So, please do pick up the phone and call me. Please do go on a hike with me. Please do touch base. I need you right now.

I am very grateful that you are my friend and that you are not giving up on me.

#loss #grieving #friendship #forgiveness