Blogging from my heart in Boise, Idaho
Dear Paul, I’ve been thinking: it has been nine months since you died and things are so much clearer to me. I am stronger and yet vulnerable. I am more assertive and yet defer in certain situations. I am happier and yet miss you so very, very much. But, I have to tell you one... Continue Reading →
Tears not tears. Or is it both? Tears in the leaf or tears from your eyes? A broken heart seems to take on many different facets when such a life instance takes place. Oh, at the time, you always think you will never, ever be the same. But months later, low and behold, you are... Continue Reading →
It’s happening now and I am scared. Eight months after Paul died, I am wondering why and yet at the same time, wondering when. I would give anything to be able to talk to Paul and ask him what he wants me to do. However, in all honesty, I already know what he would want... Continue Reading →
As many of you know, so much has taken place in my life the past year. Love, joy, happiness, peace, to death, grief, trauma, followed by counseling which lead to understanding, forgiveness, letting go, and on to healing. Everything else seemed to crop up in-between. Life is that journey and mine has been quite a... Continue Reading →
What is the meaning of a “monkey on your shoulder†or a “monkey on your backâ€? You know, the monkey that doesn’t exactly give you good advice? I looked it up, I just had to! Believe it or not, there are many interpretations and explanations, but essentially the monkey is a carrying a burden or... Continue Reading →
This past weekend was the Celebration of Life for Paul, and it all went perfectly! Paul’s brother and two sisters flew in from different corners of the country as well as friends from college and friends he went to baseball camps or spring training that he kept in touch with. To me, this is the... Continue Reading →
I passed up going out on a Friday night to finish setting up my vegetable garden, mixing dirt and inoculated vermi char (click link to find out what it is). I went to great lengths, well dollars, to make sure my garden will be 100% organic this year, too. I am dreaming of sun ripened... Continue Reading →
Ah, the joy of unpacking! No, really, I am having a delightful time unpacking, savoring memories as I open boxes of my treasures, my books, my kitchen tools. Treasure troves of silly knick knacks I have saved over the years are now going to the Do Not Need box. Two of my favorite chairs just... Continue Reading →
Just when I thought – key word here: thought – I was doing “betterâ€, along comes a 20 foot wave. I must have needed a good mega cry because today I am better. What a relief! In a grief group I attended after Paul died, we discussed that grief come in waves and often times... Continue Reading →
By now most of you know that I moved last weekend into a small cottage in the Art District in Garden City. Considering I went from 2,000 sq. ft. to 1,000 sq. ft. in 2009, this new living space is more than just interesting. I can tell you one thing: it is not a challenge.... Continue Reading →
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