You need to be ready in order to be right for another person to love, and to be in love. For that next person. For that next person you were not sure you would ever meet.
We all have a life trauma or tragedy that leaves a scar on our broken heart. Don’t get me wrong, scars are the memories in life that we can look back on, hopefully recalling a lesson learned. I wrote that stains on clothes are memories. Same goes for scars.
I had a heart that was broken in to a million pieces when Paul died. It doesn’t seem possible that the one-year mark has come and gone. I know he would not want me to mope, so I have given this dating thing a try again. I thought I was ready.
In the process of being “ready”, I have learned that others are not, but they sure do put on that façade of “I’m going for it” attitude. Thanks, but no thanks. Guys, you need to be ready, too. Otherwise, you will certainly stumble.
Don’t pull me in and then retreat. Don’t say all the right things and then disappear. Don’t, please don’t act as if you are ready when deep down inside you are still a chocolate mess.
In my past, I have always given myself a time frame after a significant breakup. A year. Yes, a year. Because I wanted then and to this day, I want to be sure. Jumping in to another relationship is simply not healthy. (yes, there are exceptions to this rule: only if the other person is someone you truly know and already love as a friend).
Yes, at first you will be lonely, so lonely that your heart aches. Yes, you will miss the intimacy and by that I mean the simple act of touching and being touched. Yes, you will miss many, many aspects of a relationship. A good relationship.
So, this brings me to the point. No matter how that relationship ended, give yourself that time period to let go of your past. This will make you a better person for that next time you are ready to love again. Doing so takes courage, but you surely can muster the strength. Waiting will be challenging, but it will save you from stumbling in life.
You are no good to another person if you have not yet let go of your past attachments. You make think you have let go, but believe me, there are hang-ups that need purging as well. It’s called baggage, emotional baggage.
Just don’t tell me everything is fine when it is actually in chaos. I’ve been there, remember?
#grieving #lifelesson #relationship