Looking back at 2015, I am astonished by my resilience from a year filled with circumstances one typically watches in a movie with the tragic twist. Talk about the plot thickening as each month unfolded!
But get through it I did, and I eventually recognized just how strong a woman I am. And yet, I realized just how vulnerable I could be at the same time. Seems a bit on peculiar, but true nevertheless.
By now you all – my friends – are aware of my journey. It’s been a tough ride and yet one that I was able to plow through with determination. I refused to let anger take space in my heart. Forgiveness came naturally with time. There is not one day that goes by when I don’t think about Paul in one way or another, but it’s different now. After he passed away, I missed him deeply; now I miss the relationship and everything that came with a mutually loving man to share a life with.
I always have known that we never stop learning and this year proved to be my life test. Being diagnosed with cancer was crazy enough, but having Paul die in my arms, revived by EMT’s and dying again when we pulled life support was just too much. I curled in to that proverbial ball and desperately tried to shut out the craziness that followed. And yet, 2015 was my year to blossom.
Trust me, it’s not that I no longer want to write about my experience. It’s that I am now ready to walk a different path, a new path. I want to heal more than I want to hash it out. I now want to step in to the new year with a brighter outlook, and for me that means a shift in my thinking, a shift in my writing, a shift in my everyday life.
I have gotten my groove back. And it feels great! So be it, fate. So be it.
#grooveback #lifelesson #healing #journey